Summer Begins!!

Today was my last day of school and I'm officially a senior!  Except my senior year is cut really short because I'll be graduating early in November.  In reality I have 3 months of school and then I'm done with high school!  I'll still be going to the graduation ceremony and receiving my diploma.  In order to conclude this year, I'm going to recap some of the important things I've learned this year.  The first thing that comes to mind is the amount of friendships I lost this year.  Some of those friends ignored me and others simply moved away.  It was undoubtedly hard but at the same time some of those friends were getting on my bad side.  I only have about 4 people that I call friends and I'm perfectly fine with that.  The second thing that I realized is my goal to get into college.  At one point I thought about skipping college altogether and I even began slacking in school.  I thought nothing was important and my grades began to slip.  Not to worry because I realized I was being stupid and began to slowly catch myself back up!  Most importantly, this year was a definite improvement from last year.  I feel much happier and do I dare say I'm content with life?  This year was filled with ups and downs but I think my life is finally starting to mellow out.  Even if this lasts for a short while, I'm going to enjoy every second of it.  I'm ready for a summer filled with bonfires, swimming, reading, and working (blegh)!

Dealing with Peer Pressure

A lot of teenagers my age deal with peer pressure.  Typically this is the age where kids start drinking, smoking, trying drugs, or hosting their weekly parties.  Most of my friends have either gotten drunk, gotten high, or smoke on a regular basis and they proudly tell me about it.  "Dude I got so wasted", or the most common one, "dude I was so high that night".  Unfortunately those are my friends and although I don't agree with their choices, I can't do anything about it because I can't control them.  However, I can control what I do and I will say that I've never taken a sip of beer nor have I ever smoked.  Sadly kids like me get talked down upon because we "don't do anything".  I've been called boring because I don't go out and get drunk and make stupid decisions.  And yes I do sometimes stop and think to myself, 'well what if I am that boring?  Is it bad that I don't go out and have fun?'  It's interesting that a lot of people say that we're young and we should go out and have fun.  What constitutes as fun though?  Does fun mean getting shit-faced and barely remembering the night before?  I have no clue, but no matter how many times people tell me to "have fun", I will tell them no.  Part of the reason is because I grew up with an alcoholic dad and I wouldn't want to replicate his behaviors.  Growing up, my mom was also strict with me and my sister so anything we did my mom would know about it.  On the other hand, if I were living with my dad right now I would probably be going out every weekend getting drunk.  For now, I'm trying to stay true to myself but at times I feel like I am boring and limiting myself.  Oh being a teenager...

The Usual, "I have no idea what I want to do with my life," Feelings

I've been researching so much these past few days that I think I've become blinder.  This whole winter break has been productive but at the same time its been counterproductive.  In this post I'll share with you my frustrations and my lack of direction.  Teens my age go through that 'I-have-no-idea-what-I-want-to-do-with-my-life' phase and it's really bugging me out.  I've been researching so many different options I can take in life but one thing leads to another and I end up finding a reason NOT to do what I want to do.  Whether it's expenses or questioning whether or not that career is right for me, something always gets in the way.  I've been going through that vicious cycle of finding a plan and then ending up changing it.  What is it with me?  Could it be my fear of taking a risk?  Should I tell myself to shut up and just do it?  I'm not sure... but what I am sure is that this obscurity is torturing me.  I keep telling myself that studying abroad feels like the right decision but I'm held down by the evil necessity of 'money'.  I don't want to be like so many other people and have thousands of dollars in loans but if I want to study abroad then it has to happen.  I'm not privileged with knowing many connections and I'm sure not privileged living with a wealthy family.  Sometimes I wonder if I should just take the easy route and study here in America.  Then the thought of studying in another country pops up and I love the opportunity it brings.  Studying in another country is almost like a fresh start or a beginning of an adventure.  And trust me I've done my homework and researched the place I want to go to.

I hate having to live with uncertainty all the time; especially since I have the least bit of establishment of a plan.  I'm crying out for any help, at least some advice so I won't pull anymore hair out of my scalp.  I guess the only thing I should concern myself with for now is focusing on graduating early so I can focus more on a "plan".  Sigh...

Fresh Start

Before the school year started I had a choice on whether or not I wanted to stay in Iowa.  It was a choice between Iowa or Pennsylvania and I chose to stay in Iowa.  Instead of being forced to go move somewhere else again I finally had the choice on what I wanted to do.  Since I chose to stay here I decided that I had to make this year better.  Last year was a complete disaster and now I'm given a fresh start.  I have an opportunity to correct all my mistakes I made last year and I won't give up just yet.  I'm going to keep all my relationships with me since that was a major reason to why I decided to stay.  I'm keeping all my friends close to me and even a teacher that I trust and occasionally visit.  These are the people that kept me here and I will not forget that.  It's been really hard not to relapse and go back to where I was but when things get rough I remember the things my teacher told me.  He's an adult that believes in me and cares about me which is very dear to me.  If it wasn't for him I would not be this positive.  This is a new start for me and I'm taking full advantage of it.

I'm a junior in high school and time has flown by so quickly.  I started this blog before freshman year and now I'm almost done with school... damn... On the other hand I'll try my best to keep blogging but I'm thinking of creating an entirely new blog and leaving this one behind.  In the mean time I have to balance work, school, and life so yeah wish me luck!

On a Lighter Note

These past few posts have been a little depressing and personal but its been nice to let out some thoughts every once in a while.  Ok so besides all that junk I've been writing about what else have I been accomplishing this summer?  Well I'm getting my license this week so yay me!  I know I said how I think driving is kinda lame but I must admit I was wrong.  Driving isn't as bad as I thought it would be so yeah that's all I'm gonna say about that!  Secondly, I landed myself a job at Hyvee!  It's gonna be my first real, paying job and I'm pretty excited about it.  I'll be working the salad bar which is prepping vegetables, fruits, and other tasks and I'm looking forward to it!  I haven't started yet but in the next week I think I'll be starting, unless orientation is postponed.  As of now things have been getting a little better and hopefully with this job I'll be making rapid lifestyle changes.  I'm actually pretty proud of myself since these are goals that I set since March and having accomplishing them feels pretty good!  That's all I've been doing this summer, besides bike riding and stuff like that.  I'm also going to get back to the blogging world more often than I did.  I know I was on a longer hiatus than I thought I would be but I shall return!  Except this time my posts will be centered around personal growth and my journey.  No longer will I do the ranting style I used to.  I think it's outdated and not that interesting.  So yeah I'm actually really bored right now and I have nothing to do :(.

Father's Day Blues

Father's day passed and for me it symbolized just another day of the week.  One thing that's been bothering me for the past few years has been the lack of a paternal figure.  A father is something irreplaceable and it's something I'm missing.  First off I am proud of my dad for some of the things he's done in his life.  He was a self-taught mechanic and learned through books and hands on experience.  He even opened up his own business that was pretty successful considering he did it all himself.  But there's the "other side" and that's the part I'm struggling to get over.  At times it is hard not having him around, to have that positive male figure sort of hurts.  There are a lot of people that would tell me, "well I lived with a single parent and they bestowed upon me good values and I turned out just fine."  That's you, this is me, we're individuals who have different mental capacities.  It's great that you turned out just fine but not all of us were so lucky.  I miss the days when we played outside and laughed and enjoyed ourselves.  But after learning some of the things he did all those memories are just sugar coated memories.  In reality that was the time when things were falling apart and I didn't even notice.  I think about my dad almost every day and I worry about his health the most.  I worry that one of these days his self-destruction will take a turn for the worst and something bad will happen.  It's an awful way to think but I can't help but worry about him.  As I'm typing this I begin to regret all the negative things I've said or done to him.  The worst thing that I did to him was take advantage of him.  It makes me feel sick that I did something like that but I can't change it now.  In the end all I'm saying in this post is that I miss my dad.  I want to see him again but not in the state that he's in right now.  I want him to first learn responsibility but as of now that's just me being too hopeful.  I love you dad, more than you know, please get healthier and better for the sake of yourself and your children.  We'll be more than happy to see you again if you ever come by...

Love Means Everything

Not romantic love cause that's just corny.  I'm talking about genuine care for another person regardless of anything.  Whether it's family or friends, love can make a difference in a person's life.  When someone cares about you and loves you it's a feeling that's just not expendable.  Neither success nor money can ever be replaced by love from another person.  Children need love the most to develop into healthy young adults.  Children need two loving adults in their life that can provide for their emotional needs.  Having two active adults will give children the opportunity to build trust and communication.  These are traits that are necessary outside of the family circle.  But what happens when only one adult is present?  Is it possible for the child to get attention?  Every situation must be taken individually but if one adult is able to provide then it might be possible.  What if that one adult is too busy?  Then what happens?  As the child emotionally grows up they begin to wonder and analyze why their parents weren't around.  The most common thought is, 'it had to be my fault.'  Fast forward to their teenage years and things begin to get messy.  Communication between the teenager and both parents are badly broken and trust hasn't been built.  As an effect, the teen often lives a double life.  There's the life the parent sees and the hidden life they keep.  Since their emotional needs were not met, a big gap was made, keeping them from connecting with their family.  Teens use other substances to fill the gap, although not always healthy they had to get it from somewhere.  Not all teens abuse substances, some end up with other mental problems that are equally self-destructive.  At the same time, the teen craves attention from an adult.  The only place teens are at for a portion of their lives are at school, thus making them rely on teachers.  Some teens are loud and disruptive, requiring a great amount of attention by the teacher.  Then there are other teens who are just too shy and quiet to speak up that they try their hardest to impress the teacher, just so they could notice them.  Remember those self-destructive behaviors?  Yeah, they're getting worse because home life is twice as stressful as it was before.  Being a teenager you now have a voice and an opinion, creating conflicts between you and the parent.  The communication barrier is getting worse and the relationship is drifting away.  Now comes the side effects: addiction, depression, and low self esteem.  How could have this been reversed?  If only they had the emotional support when they were younger... The teachers they wanted attention from can only provide so much.  For some teens, school is the only place to feel valued and cared for.  It's the one place they think they have some self-worth.  Love can make a big difference in someone's life, without it a person will become bitter and spiteful.  This earth just needs more love.

End of the School Year

It's that time of year again.  Books are being turned in.  Lockers are getting cleaned out.  The classrooms are entirely stripped from the school year's content.  Teachers are scrambling to finish grading papers.  Summer is in the air and most teenagers are thrilled to finally get away from school.  But what some of us don't realize are the changes happening around us.  Friends are either moving away, getting their licenses, or even getting their first real job.  These are the hints that we're starting to reach the beginning of adulthood.  This year has been difficult, but it has also been enlightening.  I've met new friends and even teachers that have impacted my life.  My friends have taught me lessons that they informally gave to me.  One of my teachers has taught me wonderful lessons on life that I will forever keep in my heart.  This year has been emotional and these changes are instantaneously happening that I can't even keep up.  This last week of school has been the hardest in my life.  There's a possibility that I might be moving again and to say goodbye to some of these people brings me to tears.  They've brought me something that my family has failed to offer and that's--hope. These people that I've known for a short period have been such inspiration to me that I can't even begin to explain why.  For most teenagers, the end of the school year signals joy and freedom.  But for the small part of us it signals a heartbreaking reality.  The reality that things are changing at a painstakingly fast rate and the only thing I can do is accept it.  This summer is so obscure that I can't predict what will happen, maybe that's why I'm so anxious about everything.  One last thing, I hope everyone has an amazing summer and I hope we all accomplish something over the next two months!

Farewell!

I haven't posted in weeks and I think it's time I say farewell to this blog!  I've lost my inspiration to blog but I will be back one day!  School is keeping me way too busy and also I'm joining some extra activities outside of school so I won't have any time to rant and stuff anymore.  I mean I know all 20 of you who read this blog are like totally sad right?  I just don't have time anymore and I lost my rantyness :/.  I'll leave this blog open just in case I decide to drop right back in!  So I say farewell to the blogging world!  You never know when I'll drop in!

Back to School

Today was the first day of school and it was mostly unfamiliar.  I guess it's that transition of being a ninth grader to a tenth that feels so different to me.  People so far haven't really changed, my homeroom is still as annoying as I remembered it last year.  I have two classes in which it's all juniors and seniors which makes me feel pretty alone to be honest.  Today just wasn't that fantastic but tomorrow is when we start getting introduced to class so that's always good.  My goals this year is to work hard and try to make more friends. Honestly it's hard when everyone seems to know each other and you only know like four people.  BUT after watching that film I really need to start getting out there so hopefully they will announce clubs soon.  So yeah my only goal this year is to work as hard as my body can handle and we'll see how that goes!  I'm pretty excited with the rigorous courses this year but that excitement will most likely end in the next week or so.  I hope everyone enjoys their new school year!

Sentimental Talk

I was watching this short film on Youtube about college admission and it has impacted me.  For most of us who are in high school we are concerned about our future and how much high school will affect it.  We think good grades and involvement in clubs will get us to the highest ranked colleges and we think being well rounded is necessary for admission.  But does it really matter if we have all A's or if we are in 20 different clubs?  After watching this film I have finally found an answer: not really.  In my freshman year of high school I felt stressed and I felt like I wasn't doing enough to get in college.  We are taught that colleges want the best of the best but really colleges want a hard working, passionate person.  I'm totally convinced that adults have been telling us the wrong things these past few years.  But the competitiveness in admission to colleges pressures us to strive for the #1 position.  I hate how all we are worried about are grades when we don't focus on ourselves and what we are passionate about.  But first I'll share you a personal story.  I was a stressed out person in my first year of high school.  I had high expectations of myself and from others.  I had be the best and rise out on top.  Because of these high expectations I stressed out about every small thing.  I stressed out about time, homework, studying, test scores, report cards, and most importantly my behavior.  I had nightmares at night that I didn't finish homework or a teacher is yelling at me or I failed a test... it was horrifying!  I had dreams about my school and it was a recurring theme.  I would freak out if I had a B in a test or on my report card when in all actuality it didn't matter because it's still a good grade!  These expectations stressed me out that I felt angry and frustrated at myself for not doing better.  And whenever someone congratulated me on getting good grades I felt nothing.  I didn't feel accomplished or joyful I felt nothing.  I didn't feel like I worked hard to get that joy that I look for.  I mean it isn't hard to get A's sometimes and that's what made me feel like I wasn't trying my best.  Having good grades and joining a lot of activities won't guarantee you a spot in a good college, it's the passion and drive you have for something that gets you where you want to be and it has taken me years to figure that out.  The passion I want to pursue is psychology and I strongly believe that Yale is the right place for me.  I devoured their website and whenever I enter it I feel excited that one day I could (hopefully) be apart of it.  They even say on their website that they want an essay that tells them who we really are.  I don't want to be known as that kid who always got straight A's, I want to be the kid who was known for his passion to learn psychology.  Finally I understand what I have to do to enjoy my high school years and that is to do things that I enjoy doing.  I'm not going to take rigorous classes solely because colleges want that!  I'm going to take rigorous classes because I want to.  It's the same with clubs, I want to join the Gay and Straight People club because I want the school to be a more friendly atmosphere for the gay community at school.  I want to join tennis because it's a sport I could be good at.  We shouldn't focus on what they want, let's focus on what we want.  It's my high school time and I should be learning and making friends, not staying up at four in the morning studying for an AP class that I don't enjoy.  If you're in high school or you're going to high school I strongly advise you to watch the film, it's truly inspirational and it makes you look at things differently.  Don't take high school for granted, use it as a chance to learn things not to get a couple A's and not learn anything.  I'll rather get a B in a class that I learned a whole bunch rather than get an A and not have worked for it.  Oh my gosh this post is super duper long but I hope you got something out of it.  The film is 28 minutes long so pleeeeease make some time to watch it, you won't regret it.  Stay motivated!

The short film: Congratulations, We Regret to Inform You: the college admissions secret

2012 London Olympics: Conclusion

The London Olympics are closing today and I'm a bit sad that it has to end.  I just recently started watching the Olympics and I can't believe I didn't start watching earlier!  It was an honor to see hundreds of athletes competing with so much talent.  They trained and trained for hours a day to compete with other countries.  All that dedication to their event makes me inspired to work that hard for a goal I want to accomplish.  But what I'm really impressed with are the amount of countries that came together to compete.  For two weeks we are able to set aside our differences.  If only we could act this way outside of the Olympics!  That's probably my second favorite part about this event.  I love seeing all these people with different backgrounds and I don't just mean skin color, race, or ethnicity.  The biggest inspiration overall would come from Oscar Pistorius.  It was awesome that he had the opportunity to run against other able bodied people.  It wasn't just because he was a double amputee but just the reason that he continued to run and train makes me feel warm inside.  It really does make me a bit teary to think I have to wait another four years for the next Olympics.  Not to sound cheesy or overly dramatic but this has been majorly influential and inspirational.  It kinda makes you want to jump up and do something spectacular!  Of course I have more stuff to type but I can't remember as usual.  My mind is still weeping because all this is over for now and that prevents me from thinking clearly!  I hope all of you enjoyed the Olympics as much as I have!!!

Challenging the Mind Turns One and August Updates!!!

Look at that long title!  I can't believe it has already been a year since my first post!  It feels strange to think I started this blog a year ago.  Although I haven't been active in the blogging world as I would like but it's just me being unorganized.  I didn't plan anything special because to be honest I barely noticed that my blog has turned one.  Technically it was last month but let's just pretend it's this month.  Other than the one year birthday it's also the beginning of August!  This will be my last few weeks of summer vacation until I start school on the 16th!  I'm a bit excited and nervous and weary of this upcoming school year.  I'll explain in a later blog that I did last summer.  Other than the start of a new school year there isn't much I can mention in this post.  So this post was once again pretty lame but guess what happened!  Liek omg man i was on dis bike ride and i saw soembody get arested!  No idea why but I was riding my bike with my sister and we were on this trail and two cop cars were heading our way and they stopped this guy we passed.  That's the only thrilling tale I shared all summer!  Okay I'll be gone!

The Horrors Within (small preview)

Kefira, Yon, and Mordechai

Mordechai was waiting for the rest of the family to come home.  He wanted to bring everyone together.  He still thought about Vardimom and his family.  He had to patch everyone together or else they would all stay hateful until the day they die.  Nava was counting her fingers.  Not aware of all the tribulations occurring in the present.  She held up the number nine and smiled.  He smiled back and pinched her cheek lightly.

“Such an innocent child,” he said warmly.

Yon came home first, looking rested and ready to tackle anything in his path.

“Please stay son.  I want to gather the family.”

He shrugged and sat down on his bunk.  He fiddled with his covers, trying to keep himself busy until everyone was home.  Kefira then stepped in, the minute she saw Mordechai she stepped out.

“Kefira please stay, I want to talk to the family,” he said, stopping her.

“Don’t expect Rina to come home.  She ran off before I could talk to her, I don’t know where she is anymore!” she said, distressed.

They waited for Rina to arrive any second but she never did.  Kefira lost her patience and began pacing.

“She isn’t going to return!  Tell us what you want!” she barked.

“I-I’m sorry for the way I’ve been treating all of you.  I’m ashamed to call myself your father… but while I was at Vardimom’s home, I realized how much he cared for his children and his wife.  I reflected upon that and… I can’t believe how selfish I was.”

“Was?  You still are!”

“Kefira… you are beautiful and I’m sorry mother left but… I’m still your parent and I expect respect from my own children.  I love my children and I want you to know that.”

Kefira still seemed unimpressed by his words.  “You know what Mordechai?  Until you start providing for this family, until you start proving to me you actually care then we’ll talk.”

She headed to the door.

“Pardon me but I’ll be looking for Rina because I actually love her!”

She slammed the door shut, leaving Nava scared.  Mordechai sighed.  There was nothing else to prove to his children that he loved them.  Yon sat up and began writing in his journal.

March 21, 1942,

This family is falling apart… Father and Kefira won’t get along!  What’s the deal with her anyway?!  He’s trying to do the world some good by admitting to us he’s been selfish and yet she doesn’t appreciate honesty.  How ridiculous!  I must know why she has a strong grudge against father.

He closed the journal and sat next to his father.  Mordechai was fatigued with stress and overwhelming guilt.  Mordechai had to do something!  Or else it would cost his family.  Something he promised not to lose.  It was now time to put that promise to the test.

When he went to bed that night his mind was still consumed by his family.  When his eyes finally closed he heard a voice in his head.

You’re a fool!  Insensitive!  Selfish!  This is why I left!  Look at yourself!  Your daughter provides more for Nava than you!  Your selfish acts got you here!  You don’t even watch your children!  Look at them pondering around with little to eat!  They want you to die!  Leave this planet!

Mordechai sat up.  He breathed heavily and sweat was pouring down.  Tears began forming in his eyes.  His heart swelled up, it felt heavy with grief.  Guilt clouded his eyes.  He felt as if someone beat him, he couldn’t handle the guilt any longer.  He went outside for air.

Nothing feels right!  My family is my number one priority but I can’t seem to show it.  Why do they not see my attempts on being there for them?  This is all wrong!  He took a walk through town.  He avoided any incoming guard and avoided beggars.  His thoughts were racing, nothing took his mind off of Kefira and her words.

I must wait!  He thought of a plan if they still rejected him.  Why even exist if no one cares for your existence?  Might as well do Hitler some good and reduce the Jewish population by one.  But I must wait for now…

My First Book

My first book that I've written is called The Horrors Within and it's a historical fiction book.  I'm going to break this up into different sections because it's much more organized and easy!


Plot
The book is about a group of people during the time of the extermination camps.  The first part of the book takes place in the Czestochowa ghetto and ends up in the Treblinka camp.  It basically covers the horrors of the ghettos and camps and all those different elements.  It also contains the lives of the people in the camps.  Which contain personal problems, death, and grief.


Character Development
I wanted a huge selection of characters so I created a character roster of more than thirty characters which include prisoners and the guards.  This was my favorite part!  I loved creating the diverse amount of characters.  Keep in mind that the Jews weren't the only group of people that were rounded up.  Homosexuals were also mistreated and rounded up during this time so I had a few characters that represented that minority.  Now things weren't picture perfect for homosexuals in the camp so they were often mistreated practically everywhere they go.  Now I'm no expert on the minds of criminals and murderers but I wanted to shine some light on the guards.  Some were good and some were bad and some were questionable.  Oddly enough I think I did better with the guards than the prisoners.


Preparation
The only reason I wrote this book was because of a project for history and I only had a month to do it so I had little time to prepare for this huge project.  But a week before writing I had to depend on Google for all my information!  There were awesome websites that provided me with the essential stuff to prepare for the book.  I also watched a bunch of documentaries about the camps and I'll be honest, researching this stuff made me a bit queasy.  The worst was with the whole medical experiments, god it was inhumane.  BUT the websites never sugar coated any of this stuff so I had to make the nasty parts descriptive.  Or it was probably just my adolescent mind.


The Procedure!!!!
Oh I can't begin to tell you how stressful it was writing five pages a day.  If you have big handwriting it might be easy but my handwriting is small and some days it was soooo hard to write!  With the month of April being the only month to work on it I had to force myself to write.  Of course if I had no homework or tests to study for it would be easier but life isn't that easy!  There were days where I was in the zone and I was jamming out words left and right!  And then there were days where I just sat there and looked at my notebook with a blank expression on my face.  I had to listen to depressing or scary songs to get in the zone and it actually helped.  Nevertheless I finished on time!


My Criticism
I'm a huge critic on myself and I must say this book is a bit l-a-m-e.  Sure there were some parts that were good or exciting but to be honest it was inconsistent.  My characters sometimes didn't act like their age or their emotions were a huge roller coaster.  On one page they can be struggling with personal problems and then on the next they could be a completely new person.  Sometimes I threw in personal problems and then you wouldn't really hear about them later on in the book.  It sounded like they got over it and moved on.  These were really novice mistakes BUT it was a learning experience.  I mean aside from the grammar errors and inconsistency I think I did an OK job.  I could have done better but then again my expectations on myself are way too high for everything.


So yeah there you go!  I gave you inside information on my first book so you better feel appreciated because most the people I've told don't get this information!  I should post a small snippet later on so you can see just how bad my grammar is.  Overall I'm a bit excited to share this because to me it's an accomplishment.  On my notebook I ended up with 150 pages but on the document it turned out to be 270 pages... that's how small my handwriting is!  One day I might go back to it and fix all the errors and add in a few things or completely change the ending.  I hope you enjoyed this super duper long post because it took me a long time!  Now if you'll excuse me I need to read some Harry Potter.

Sexist Women

I wasn't going to talk about this today but let me just say I'm fed up with all these "man haters".  My sister (an example) is one of them.  Not too long ago she saw an article on the newspaper that read, Men Are Awful.  And she was like, "yes they are and for good reason".  I got a little offended and I didn't bother asking her why she felt like all men are awful.  She sounds like the typical teenage girl on my Facebook who complains that all men are awful because one relationship didn't work out.  You can't state a claim like all men are awful without providing sufficient evidence.  She sounded like the radical feminist who believes all men are devils.  And yet no one thinks that's sexist.  It's frustrating when women treat men as a whole group instead of individuals.  Here's an idea, let's all treat each other as individuals!  Maybe then I won't hear women saying men are like this or that.  If I said women are horrible I'm pretty sure I would get yelled at by everybody but when women say men are awful no one cares to take that seriously.  Sexist people need to take a step back because you aren't superior to anybody else.  Women aren't better than men and men aren't better than women, we're individuals who are better than other individuals.  Look at it that way instead of letting one experience cloud your judgement of others.

Some Updates

I apologize for not keeping up with the schedule I intended for.  I haven't been in a "bloggy" kind of mood.  Nothing has inspired me and I'm one of those people who need to be inspired to type a blog.  I have one post in mind that I'm making.  I did promise you a video on my first book which will probably just be another written post because it would be strange to talk to a camera when I'm not alone.  So yeah I have two posts in mind that I will do later this week or maybe this weekend.  I've been writing my new book and it feels so good to let out my creative juices!  I've also been obsessed with Harry Potter these past few days.  I found the series in a box in the garage and I was so giddy with excitement that I began reading them.  So I've been writing and reading and nothing else.  Hopefully my mood to blog will be lifted soon.  I need to start reading more blogs because I've been M.I.A.  So that's all for today, stay cool!

School = Insanity?

Strange timing isn't it?  I'm talking about school in the summer.  I'm watching this documentary that's called The War on Kids.  Basically it talks about school being compared to a prison and the different aspects of the education system and the idealistic ideas that society builds.  In school children are expected to be quiet, respectful, disciplined, and joyous.  And we control and enforce these ideas to build a perfect system.

Security
My school has security.  There is a room not far from the entrance of the school that has a room with screens that portray some hallways.  And of course you have the police.  My school was pretty violent this year so I understand a little to why they put cameras but the documentary that I'm watching makes good points.  Spending a huge sum of money on security will not help prevent violence.  Nor does it even help with locating a fight.  It's mostly used as an intimidation factor to ensure that no one would do anything "rebellious".  Now this sounds similar to the Panopticon built by Jeremy Bentham.  It was a prison built so that the prisoners would not know if they're being watched.  Now in schools you can see cameras but either way you're being watched and it's a bit creepy don't you think?  It's like being stalked, someone is watching you when you're walking down the hallways.  I hate having a teacher see me walk down the hallways.  Staring at me with their vicious eyes like a predator about to attack prey.

"No tolerance zone"
A weapon is never tolerable at school.  But how many times do students get in trouble for carrying a real weapon?  Well let me share you a story.  I was in my Catholic school (elementary) and it was recess.  There was this kid who drew a picture on the concrete depicting a stick figure with a poorly drawn gun.  He was punished for drawing something oh so obscene and violent.  All for drawing a gun?  I think we've become absolutely paranoid that whenever a child draws a gun or plays with one then they're suddenly a maniac.  There were cases the documentary revealed that children who pretended to play with guns were suspended or expelled.  It's a huge list and some of them are downright stupid.  A boy who had chicken strips was pointing it at a girl and said "bam" and he got suspended.  It's like our trust with children has poofed into nothing.  Seriously what is the problem here?  Why must we be so harsh on children when their knowledge of guns is limited.

There is something wrong with you!
Teachers pay attention to the "good" kids in class.  The nice, quiet, reserved children.  But then there comes along a rowdy child who fidgets in their chair and they can't seem to pay attention.  Some adults might think that child has ADD or ADHD.  So they do what other typical adults do and go to the doctor.  Because they don't fit into that perfect image we have to build a name for it.  The teachers don't want to spend their time focusing on those children.  They want to focus on the children who get it and learn it quickly.  You go to the doctor, they prescribe a certain stimulant.  Now you have a "normal" child!  Just ignore the side effects like loss in interest, zombie-like figure, and suicidal thoughts.

No freedom
The staff and administration control our freedom when we enter school.  They control how we socialize, when we socialize, limit our thinking and potential, and limit on how we can speak.  When we question authority (teachers) we are labeled as brats, rebels, annoying, or childish.  It's like our freedoms have run down to such a minimum.  We are the dogs and they are the humans disciplining us on every small detail.  We can't speak out or we'll be sent to the principal's.  There are times when teachers just don't like students and the students have to sit there and take it or else they risk detention.  We can't think for ourselves because we constantly have an adult to limit that.  A good example has to be English class.  We are forced to read what the teachers want us to read.  For example I never wanted to read Romeo and Juliet but I had no choice!  Then we get loaded with assignments that make us break things down and analyze this and sequence this and translate this and blah blah blah.  It's bad enough I hate the story why would I want to focus on assignments that only enhance my hatred for this garbage?  And teachers wonder why kids don't try in class.  Maybe it's because the stuff that is taught isn't necessarily in our top "things that I want to learn" list.

Mental deprivation
6:00 a.m. wake up to take a shower
6:25 a.m., clean up and drink a couple glasses of water (I don't eat breakfast on school days)
7:10 a.m., walk to school
7:50 a.m., wait in the class for ten minutes for the day to begin
8 a.m.- 2:50 p.m., try to fit in about eight hours of information whilst staying awake, paying full attention, taking notes, and ignoring morons
Repeat 5x a week.


That's my daily schedule for weekdays.  It's completely monotonous and boring.  Listen, it's bad enough I have to wake up at 6 in the morning and deal with buffoons.  Oh and there is no one to wake me up in case I don't hear the alarm because my mom is at work.  There are days where I prefer waking up later or not even waking up at all but I have to or else I'll be screwed.  There are days where I have woken up thirty minutes after the alarm went off and that makes me pissy throughout the day.  Now, let's see the time spend after school.

3:00 p.m., get home from school
3:30 p.m., do homework until it gets completely finished plus projects, if any
5:00 p.m., get some sort of exercise or physical activity
6:00 p.m., take a small shower, eat, and force yourself to stay awake until it is time for bed


I usually take naps when I get home because I'm so drained.  It isn't because I'm lazy it's because I'm mentally exhausted from the day.  There are days where I hate taking naps because waking up from them makes me feel awful.  I don't have block scheduling so I have to get things done everyday or else it'll be late. Oh and did I mention that late assignments make your grade lower?  Did I mention that quizzes and tests are crammed in on Fridays?  Did I mention I force myself to study?  Did I mention I go to bed stressing about grades and crap?  Yeah it isn't fun and adults will never understand because their generation was different than ours.  We're in a generation where things are competitive and you must be on top of your game every school year.  There are days where I'm so close to falling asleep because I can't seem to stay awake.  It isn't because the teacher is boring but it's because my mental capacity is running dangerously low.  But they expect you to get to school in tip top shape with your assignments done and ready to take a quiz or test with no emotional problems you're dealing with at home.  Oh and the people are... well you get the point.  Seriously there is no time to even think about problems.

A security system that is worse than prison, a policy that is pathetic but is still enforced, teachers who abuse their authority, having no freedom, and mental deprivation is imminent.  One person from the documentary even said that these are perfect for making someone go insane.  Why is it that we have stuck to this system that doesn't even work all that much?  We ask a lot for the younger generation.  More than any other generation and it will keep getting stressful.  I do believe that we have to question the education system because it's at its lowest point.  This was a long post but I hope you get the idea of how the education system is.  Wooh long post!

Obsessed With Dreams

Sooo this is pretty random but for the lack of anything to talk about I want to talk more about dreams.  I made a post about dreams in the A-Z Challenge but let's have a discussion!  Recently I've been getting in the habit of starting to record my dreams again.  OK so have any of you like had a dream that was based off an action movie?  Like the dream itself was the action movie.  I have this one dream where it was like this total action packed dream that would make for an awesome action movie.  I don't think I ever wrote it down but I vividly remember it.  I was at this factory or whatever and there was this huge spider and I was all pumped and running away from it and the bad guys that were chasing us.  I had companions but they were somewhere else and I had a knife thing and I threw it and it died.  Then the building came crashing down and I ran for my life.  It doesn't sound so exciting but there is no way to grasp another person's dream.  What about those dreams where things are so relaxing it's indescribable.  The dreams I have that are related to that are so peaceful that I wish I was stuck there for a longer period of time.  I love those dreams because when I wake up I feel at ease.  Nightmares are something we don't like but to me I love nightmares.  It sends a message subconsciously that is urging me to pay attention.  I guess the last nightmare I can remember was when my sister and I were supposed to die because of the last Harry Potter book.  I consider it a nightmare because it was weird knowing you had to die.  Anyways this post is getting long but lord I love dreams so much.  I haven't had much time to translate them but I'm sure I will one day.  I should get to bed because I want to dream another dream... hopefully I remember it!  I guess the moral of this long and pointless post is to pay attention to your dreams.  They send a useful message AND it's fun remembering your dream when you're awake.  I feel the best dreams are the ones that I can remember months after the dream occurred.  I can go on about this but this post is long.  I think my next post will be a part in the book I was supposed to talk about (darn me)!  Just so I can change things up a bit.  Farewell my children, I bid you a good day.

EDIT: This post was supposed to be up on Monday but since I had no internet I'll just post it today and keep with the schedule.

I'm Not Dead

I haven't posted in a week so I guess I need some explaining to do huh.  I haven't really been in a "blogging" mood lately.  I guess it's the whole summer disease in which thinking has gone down the drain.  There hasn't been anything to really blog about and I'm in dire need to talk about something.  I've been thinking about book reviews and stuff like that for the time being.  I'm currently reading the Artemis Fowl series and there a few things I want to talk about.  Other than that there hasn't been much in my mind.  All I've been doing this past week was read... I guess that's exciting right?  Today has been such a gorgeous day that I spent my time reading outside.  It's like 70 degrees over here and it feels awesome!  And the cherry on top?  No stinky factory today!  Wooo!  Now this is the part where I say farewell until I find something to discuss.  Hopefully I won't be so blank these next few weeks.