The Horrors Within (small preview)

Kefira, Yon, and Mordechai

Mordechai was waiting for the rest of the family to come home.  He wanted to bring everyone together.  He still thought about Vardimom and his family.  He had to patch everyone together or else they would all stay hateful until the day they die.  Nava was counting her fingers.  Not aware of all the tribulations occurring in the present.  She held up the number nine and smiled.  He smiled back and pinched her cheek lightly.

“Such an innocent child,” he said warmly.

Yon came home first, looking rested and ready to tackle anything in his path.

“Please stay son.  I want to gather the family.”

He shrugged and sat down on his bunk.  He fiddled with his covers, trying to keep himself busy until everyone was home.  Kefira then stepped in, the minute she saw Mordechai she stepped out.

“Kefira please stay, I want to talk to the family,” he said, stopping her.

“Don’t expect Rina to come home.  She ran off before I could talk to her, I don’t know where she is anymore!” she said, distressed.

They waited for Rina to arrive any second but she never did.  Kefira lost her patience and began pacing.

“She isn’t going to return!  Tell us what you want!” she barked.

“I-I’m sorry for the way I’ve been treating all of you.  I’m ashamed to call myself your father… but while I was at Vardimom’s home, I realized how much he cared for his children and his wife.  I reflected upon that and… I can’t believe how selfish I was.”

“Was?  You still are!”

“Kefira… you are beautiful and I’m sorry mother left but… I’m still your parent and I expect respect from my own children.  I love my children and I want you to know that.”

Kefira still seemed unimpressed by his words.  “You know what Mordechai?  Until you start providing for this family, until you start proving to me you actually care then we’ll talk.”

She headed to the door.

“Pardon me but I’ll be looking for Rina because I actually love her!”

She slammed the door shut, leaving Nava scared.  Mordechai sighed.  There was nothing else to prove to his children that he loved them.  Yon sat up and began writing in his journal.

March 21, 1942,

This family is falling apart… Father and Kefira won’t get along!  What’s the deal with her anyway?!  He’s trying to do the world some good by admitting to us he’s been selfish and yet she doesn’t appreciate honesty.  How ridiculous!  I must know why she has a strong grudge against father.

He closed the journal and sat next to his father.  Mordechai was fatigued with stress and overwhelming guilt.  Mordechai had to do something!  Or else it would cost his family.  Something he promised not to lose.  It was now time to put that promise to the test.

When he went to bed that night his mind was still consumed by his family.  When his eyes finally closed he heard a voice in his head.

You’re a fool!  Insensitive!  Selfish!  This is why I left!  Look at yourself!  Your daughter provides more for Nava than you!  Your selfish acts got you here!  You don’t even watch your children!  Look at them pondering around with little to eat!  They want you to die!  Leave this planet!

Mordechai sat up.  He breathed heavily and sweat was pouring down.  Tears began forming in his eyes.  His heart swelled up, it felt heavy with grief.  Guilt clouded his eyes.  He felt as if someone beat him, he couldn’t handle the guilt any longer.  He went outside for air.

Nothing feels right!  My family is my number one priority but I can’t seem to show it.  Why do they not see my attempts on being there for them?  This is all wrong!  He took a walk through town.  He avoided any incoming guard and avoided beggars.  His thoughts were racing, nothing took his mind off of Kefira and her words.

I must wait!  He thought of a plan if they still rejected him.  Why even exist if no one cares for your existence?  Might as well do Hitler some good and reduce the Jewish population by one.  But I must wait for now…

My First Book

My first book that I've written is called The Horrors Within and it's a historical fiction book.  I'm going to break this up into different sections because it's much more organized and easy!


Plot
The book is about a group of people during the time of the extermination camps.  The first part of the book takes place in the Czestochowa ghetto and ends up in the Treblinka camp.  It basically covers the horrors of the ghettos and camps and all those different elements.  It also contains the lives of the people in the camps.  Which contain personal problems, death, and grief.


Character Development
I wanted a huge selection of characters so I created a character roster of more than thirty characters which include prisoners and the guards.  This was my favorite part!  I loved creating the diverse amount of characters.  Keep in mind that the Jews weren't the only group of people that were rounded up.  Homosexuals were also mistreated and rounded up during this time so I had a few characters that represented that minority.  Now things weren't picture perfect for homosexuals in the camp so they were often mistreated practically everywhere they go.  Now I'm no expert on the minds of criminals and murderers but I wanted to shine some light on the guards.  Some were good and some were bad and some were questionable.  Oddly enough I think I did better with the guards than the prisoners.


Preparation
The only reason I wrote this book was because of a project for history and I only had a month to do it so I had little time to prepare for this huge project.  But a week before writing I had to depend on Google for all my information!  There were awesome websites that provided me with the essential stuff to prepare for the book.  I also watched a bunch of documentaries about the camps and I'll be honest, researching this stuff made me a bit queasy.  The worst was with the whole medical experiments, god it was inhumane.  BUT the websites never sugar coated any of this stuff so I had to make the nasty parts descriptive.  Or it was probably just my adolescent mind.


The Procedure!!!!
Oh I can't begin to tell you how stressful it was writing five pages a day.  If you have big handwriting it might be easy but my handwriting is small and some days it was soooo hard to write!  With the month of April being the only month to work on it I had to force myself to write.  Of course if I had no homework or tests to study for it would be easier but life isn't that easy!  There were days where I was in the zone and I was jamming out words left and right!  And then there were days where I just sat there and looked at my notebook with a blank expression on my face.  I had to listen to depressing or scary songs to get in the zone and it actually helped.  Nevertheless I finished on time!


My Criticism
I'm a huge critic on myself and I must say this book is a bit l-a-m-e.  Sure there were some parts that were good or exciting but to be honest it was inconsistent.  My characters sometimes didn't act like their age or their emotions were a huge roller coaster.  On one page they can be struggling with personal problems and then on the next they could be a completely new person.  Sometimes I threw in personal problems and then you wouldn't really hear about them later on in the book.  It sounded like they got over it and moved on.  These were really novice mistakes BUT it was a learning experience.  I mean aside from the grammar errors and inconsistency I think I did an OK job.  I could have done better but then again my expectations on myself are way too high for everything.


So yeah there you go!  I gave you inside information on my first book so you better feel appreciated because most the people I've told don't get this information!  I should post a small snippet later on so you can see just how bad my grammar is.  Overall I'm a bit excited to share this because to me it's an accomplishment.  On my notebook I ended up with 150 pages but on the document it turned out to be 270 pages... that's how small my handwriting is!  One day I might go back to it and fix all the errors and add in a few things or completely change the ending.  I hope you enjoyed this super duper long post because it took me a long time!  Now if you'll excuse me I need to read some Harry Potter.

Sexist Women

I wasn't going to talk about this today but let me just say I'm fed up with all these "man haters".  My sister (an example) is one of them.  Not too long ago she saw an article on the newspaper that read, Men Are Awful.  And she was like, "yes they are and for good reason".  I got a little offended and I didn't bother asking her why she felt like all men are awful.  She sounds like the typical teenage girl on my Facebook who complains that all men are awful because one relationship didn't work out.  You can't state a claim like all men are awful without providing sufficient evidence.  She sounded like the radical feminist who believes all men are devils.  And yet no one thinks that's sexist.  It's frustrating when women treat men as a whole group instead of individuals.  Here's an idea, let's all treat each other as individuals!  Maybe then I won't hear women saying men are like this or that.  If I said women are horrible I'm pretty sure I would get yelled at by everybody but when women say men are awful no one cares to take that seriously.  Sexist people need to take a step back because you aren't superior to anybody else.  Women aren't better than men and men aren't better than women, we're individuals who are better than other individuals.  Look at it that way instead of letting one experience cloud your judgement of others.

Some Updates

I apologize for not keeping up with the schedule I intended for.  I haven't been in a "bloggy" kind of mood.  Nothing has inspired me and I'm one of those people who need to be inspired to type a blog.  I have one post in mind that I'm making.  I did promise you a video on my first book which will probably just be another written post because it would be strange to talk to a camera when I'm not alone.  So yeah I have two posts in mind that I will do later this week or maybe this weekend.  I've been writing my new book and it feels so good to let out my creative juices!  I've also been obsessed with Harry Potter these past few days.  I found the series in a box in the garage and I was so giddy with excitement that I began reading them.  So I've been writing and reading and nothing else.  Hopefully my mood to blog will be lifted soon.  I need to start reading more blogs because I've been M.I.A.  So that's all for today, stay cool!

School = Insanity?

Strange timing isn't it?  I'm talking about school in the summer.  I'm watching this documentary that's called The War on Kids.  Basically it talks about school being compared to a prison and the different aspects of the education system and the idealistic ideas that society builds.  In school children are expected to be quiet, respectful, disciplined, and joyous.  And we control and enforce these ideas to build a perfect system.

Security
My school has security.  There is a room not far from the entrance of the school that has a room with screens that portray some hallways.  And of course you have the police.  My school was pretty violent this year so I understand a little to why they put cameras but the documentary that I'm watching makes good points.  Spending a huge sum of money on security will not help prevent violence.  Nor does it even help with locating a fight.  It's mostly used as an intimidation factor to ensure that no one would do anything "rebellious".  Now this sounds similar to the Panopticon built by Jeremy Bentham.  It was a prison built so that the prisoners would not know if they're being watched.  Now in schools you can see cameras but either way you're being watched and it's a bit creepy don't you think?  It's like being stalked, someone is watching you when you're walking down the hallways.  I hate having a teacher see me walk down the hallways.  Staring at me with their vicious eyes like a predator about to attack prey.

"No tolerance zone"
A weapon is never tolerable at school.  But how many times do students get in trouble for carrying a real weapon?  Well let me share you a story.  I was in my Catholic school (elementary) and it was recess.  There was this kid who drew a picture on the concrete depicting a stick figure with a poorly drawn gun.  He was punished for drawing something oh so obscene and violent.  All for drawing a gun?  I think we've become absolutely paranoid that whenever a child draws a gun or plays with one then they're suddenly a maniac.  There were cases the documentary revealed that children who pretended to play with guns were suspended or expelled.  It's a huge list and some of them are downright stupid.  A boy who had chicken strips was pointing it at a girl and said "bam" and he got suspended.  It's like our trust with children has poofed into nothing.  Seriously what is the problem here?  Why must we be so harsh on children when their knowledge of guns is limited.

There is something wrong with you!
Teachers pay attention to the "good" kids in class.  The nice, quiet, reserved children.  But then there comes along a rowdy child who fidgets in their chair and they can't seem to pay attention.  Some adults might think that child has ADD or ADHD.  So they do what other typical adults do and go to the doctor.  Because they don't fit into that perfect image we have to build a name for it.  The teachers don't want to spend their time focusing on those children.  They want to focus on the children who get it and learn it quickly.  You go to the doctor, they prescribe a certain stimulant.  Now you have a "normal" child!  Just ignore the side effects like loss in interest, zombie-like figure, and suicidal thoughts.

No freedom
The staff and administration control our freedom when we enter school.  They control how we socialize, when we socialize, limit our thinking and potential, and limit on how we can speak.  When we question authority (teachers) we are labeled as brats, rebels, annoying, or childish.  It's like our freedoms have run down to such a minimum.  We are the dogs and they are the humans disciplining us on every small detail.  We can't speak out or we'll be sent to the principal's.  There are times when teachers just don't like students and the students have to sit there and take it or else they risk detention.  We can't think for ourselves because we constantly have an adult to limit that.  A good example has to be English class.  We are forced to read what the teachers want us to read.  For example I never wanted to read Romeo and Juliet but I had no choice!  Then we get loaded with assignments that make us break things down and analyze this and sequence this and translate this and blah blah blah.  It's bad enough I hate the story why would I want to focus on assignments that only enhance my hatred for this garbage?  And teachers wonder why kids don't try in class.  Maybe it's because the stuff that is taught isn't necessarily in our top "things that I want to learn" list.

Mental deprivation
6:00 a.m. wake up to take a shower
6:25 a.m., clean up and drink a couple glasses of water (I don't eat breakfast on school days)
7:10 a.m., walk to school
7:50 a.m., wait in the class for ten minutes for the day to begin
8 a.m.- 2:50 p.m., try to fit in about eight hours of information whilst staying awake, paying full attention, taking notes, and ignoring morons
Repeat 5x a week.


That's my daily schedule for weekdays.  It's completely monotonous and boring.  Listen, it's bad enough I have to wake up at 6 in the morning and deal with buffoons.  Oh and there is no one to wake me up in case I don't hear the alarm because my mom is at work.  There are days where I prefer waking up later or not even waking up at all but I have to or else I'll be screwed.  There are days where I have woken up thirty minutes after the alarm went off and that makes me pissy throughout the day.  Now, let's see the time spend after school.

3:00 p.m., get home from school
3:30 p.m., do homework until it gets completely finished plus projects, if any
5:00 p.m., get some sort of exercise or physical activity
6:00 p.m., take a small shower, eat, and force yourself to stay awake until it is time for bed


I usually take naps when I get home because I'm so drained.  It isn't because I'm lazy it's because I'm mentally exhausted from the day.  There are days where I hate taking naps because waking up from them makes me feel awful.  I don't have block scheduling so I have to get things done everyday or else it'll be late. Oh and did I mention that late assignments make your grade lower?  Did I mention that quizzes and tests are crammed in on Fridays?  Did I mention I force myself to study?  Did I mention I go to bed stressing about grades and crap?  Yeah it isn't fun and adults will never understand because their generation was different than ours.  We're in a generation where things are competitive and you must be on top of your game every school year.  There are days where I'm so close to falling asleep because I can't seem to stay awake.  It isn't because the teacher is boring but it's because my mental capacity is running dangerously low.  But they expect you to get to school in tip top shape with your assignments done and ready to take a quiz or test with no emotional problems you're dealing with at home.  Oh and the people are... well you get the point.  Seriously there is no time to even think about problems.

A security system that is worse than prison, a policy that is pathetic but is still enforced, teachers who abuse their authority, having no freedom, and mental deprivation is imminent.  One person from the documentary even said that these are perfect for making someone go insane.  Why is it that we have stuck to this system that doesn't even work all that much?  We ask a lot for the younger generation.  More than any other generation and it will keep getting stressful.  I do believe that we have to question the education system because it's at its lowest point.  This was a long post but I hope you get the idea of how the education system is.  Wooh long post!

Obsessed With Dreams

Sooo this is pretty random but for the lack of anything to talk about I want to talk more about dreams.  I made a post about dreams in the A-Z Challenge but let's have a discussion!  Recently I've been getting in the habit of starting to record my dreams again.  OK so have any of you like had a dream that was based off an action movie?  Like the dream itself was the action movie.  I have this one dream where it was like this total action packed dream that would make for an awesome action movie.  I don't think I ever wrote it down but I vividly remember it.  I was at this factory or whatever and there was this huge spider and I was all pumped and running away from it and the bad guys that were chasing us.  I had companions but they were somewhere else and I had a knife thing and I threw it and it died.  Then the building came crashing down and I ran for my life.  It doesn't sound so exciting but there is no way to grasp another person's dream.  What about those dreams where things are so relaxing it's indescribable.  The dreams I have that are related to that are so peaceful that I wish I was stuck there for a longer period of time.  I love those dreams because when I wake up I feel at ease.  Nightmares are something we don't like but to me I love nightmares.  It sends a message subconsciously that is urging me to pay attention.  I guess the last nightmare I can remember was when my sister and I were supposed to die because of the last Harry Potter book.  I consider it a nightmare because it was weird knowing you had to die.  Anyways this post is getting long but lord I love dreams so much.  I haven't had much time to translate them but I'm sure I will one day.  I should get to bed because I want to dream another dream... hopefully I remember it!  I guess the moral of this long and pointless post is to pay attention to your dreams.  They send a useful message AND it's fun remembering your dream when you're awake.  I feel the best dreams are the ones that I can remember months after the dream occurred.  I can go on about this but this post is long.  I think my next post will be a part in the book I was supposed to talk about (darn me)!  Just so I can change things up a bit.  Farewell my children, I bid you a good day.

EDIT: This post was supposed to be up on Monday but since I had no internet I'll just post it today and keep with the schedule.

I'm Not Dead

I haven't posted in a week so I guess I need some explaining to do huh.  I haven't really been in a "blogging" mood lately.  I guess it's the whole summer disease in which thinking has gone down the drain.  There hasn't been anything to really blog about and I'm in dire need to talk about something.  I've been thinking about book reviews and stuff like that for the time being.  I'm currently reading the Artemis Fowl series and there a few things I want to talk about.  Other than that there hasn't been much in my mind.  All I've been doing this past week was read... I guess that's exciting right?  Today has been such a gorgeous day that I spent my time reading outside.  It's like 70 degrees over here and it feels awesome!  And the cherry on top?  No stinky factory today!  Wooo!  Now this is the part where I say farewell until I find something to discuss.  Hopefully I won't be so blank these next few weeks.