Before the school year started I had a choice on whether or not I wanted to stay in Iowa. It was a choice between Iowa or Pennsylvania and I chose to stay in Iowa. Instead of being forced to go move somewhere else again I finally had the choice on what I wanted to do. Since I chose to stay here I decided that I had to make this year better. Last year was a complete disaster and now I'm given a fresh start. I have an opportunity to correct all my mistakes I made last year and I won't give up just yet. I'm going to keep all my relationships with me since that was a major reason to why I decided to stay. I'm keeping all my friends close to me and even a teacher that I trust and occasionally visit. These are the people that kept me here and I will not forget that. It's been really hard not to relapse and go back to where I was but when things get rough I remember the things my teacher told me. He's an adult that believes in me and cares about me which is very dear to me. If it wasn't for him I would not be this positive. This is a new start for me and I'm taking full advantage of it.
I'm a junior in high school and time has flown by so quickly. I started this blog before freshman year and now I'm almost done with school... damn... On the other hand I'll try my best to keep blogging but I'm thinking of creating an entirely new blog and leaving this one behind. In the mean time I have to balance work, school, and life so yeah wish me luck!
Thursday, June 20, 2013
These past few posts have been a little depressing and personal but its been nice to let out some thoughts every once in a while. Ok so besides all that junk I've been writing about what else have I been accomplishing this summer? Well I'm getting my license this week so yay me! I know I said how I think driving is kinda lame but I must admit I was wrong. Driving isn't as bad as I thought it would be so yeah that's all I'm gonna say about that! Secondly, I landed myself a job at Hyvee! It's gonna be my first real, paying job and I'm pretty excited about it. I'll be working the salad bar which is prepping vegetables, fruits, and other tasks and I'm looking forward to it! I haven't started yet but in the next week I think I'll be starting, unless orientation is postponed. As of now things have been getting a little better and hopefully with this job I'll be making rapid lifestyle changes. I'm actually pretty proud of myself since these are goals that I set since March and having accomplishing them feels pretty good! That's all I've been doing this summer, besides bike riding and stuff like that. I'm also going to get back to the blogging world more often than I did. I know I was on a longer hiatus than I thought I would be but I shall return! Except this time my posts will be centered around personal growth and my journey. No longer will I do the ranting style I used to. I think it's outdated and not that interesting. So yeah I'm actually really bored right now and I have nothing to do :(.
Monday, June 17, 2013
Father's day passed and for me it symbolized just another day of the week. One thing that's been bothering me for the past few years has been the lack of a paternal figure. A father is something irreplaceable and it's something I'm missing. First off I am proud of my dad for some of the things he's done in his life. He was a self-taught mechanic and learned through books and hands on experience. He even opened up his own business that was pretty successful considering he did it all himself. But there's the "other side" and that's the part I'm struggling to get over. At times it is hard not having him around, to have that positive male figure sort of hurts. There are a lot of people that would tell me, "well I lived with a single parent and they bestowed upon me good values and I turned out just fine." That's you, this is me, we're individuals who have different mental capacities. It's great that you turned out just fine but not all of us were so lucky. I miss the days when we played outside and laughed and enjoyed ourselves. But after learning some of the things he did all those memories are just sugar coated memories. In reality that was the time when things were falling apart and I didn't even notice. I think about my dad almost every day and I worry about his health the most. I worry that one of these days his self-destruction will take a turn for the worst and something bad will happen. It's an awful way to think but I can't help but worry about him. As I'm typing this I begin to regret all the negative things I've said or done to him. The worst thing that I did to him was take advantage of him. It makes me feel sick that I did something like that but I can't change it now. In the end all I'm saying in this post is that I miss my dad. I want to see him again but not in the state that he's in right now. I want him to first learn responsibility but as of now that's just me being too hopeful. I love you dad, more than you know, please get healthier and better for the sake of yourself and your children. We'll be more than happy to see you again if you ever come by...
Thursday, June 13, 2013
Not romantic love cause that's just corny. I'm talking about genuine care for another person regardless of anything. Whether it's family or friends, love can make a difference in a person's life. When someone cares about you and loves you it's a feeling that's just not expendable. Neither success nor money can ever be replaced by love from another person. Children need love the most to develop into healthy young adults. Children need two loving adults in their life that can provide for their emotional needs. Having two active adults will give children the opportunity to build trust and communication. These are traits that are necessary outside of the family circle. But what happens when only one adult is present? Is it possible for the child to get attention? Every situation must be taken individually but if one adult is able to provide then it might be possible. What if that one adult is too busy? Then what happens? As the child emotionally grows up they begin to wonder and analyze why their parents weren't around. The most common thought is, 'it had to be my fault.' Fast forward to their teenage years and things begin to get messy. Communication between the teenager and both parents are badly broken and trust hasn't been built. As an effect, the teen often lives a double life. There's the life the parent sees and the hidden life they keep. Since their emotional needs were not met, a big gap was made, keeping them from connecting with their family. Teens use other substances to fill the gap, although not always healthy they had to get it from somewhere. Not all teens abuse substances, some end up with other mental problems that are equally self-destructive. At the same time, the teen craves attention from an adult. The only place teens are at for a portion of their lives are at school, thus making them rely on teachers. Some teens are loud and disruptive, requiring a great amount of attention by the teacher. Then there are other teens who are just too shy and quiet to speak up that they try their hardest to impress the teacher, just so they could notice them. Remember those self-destructive behaviors? Yeah, they're getting worse because home life is twice as stressful as it was before. Being a teenager you now have a voice and an opinion, creating conflicts between you and the parent. The communication barrier is getting worse and the relationship is drifting away. Now comes the side effects: addiction, depression, and low self esteem. How could have this been reversed? If only they had the emotional support when they were younger... The teachers they wanted attention from can only provide so much. For some teens, school is the only place to feel valued and cared for. It's the one place they think they have some self-worth. Love can make a big difference in someone's life, without it a person will become bitter and spiteful. This earth just needs more love.
Friday, May 24, 2013
It's that time of year again. Books are being turned in. Lockers are getting cleaned out. The classrooms are entirely stripped from the school year's content. Teachers are scrambling to finish grading papers. Summer is in the air and most teenagers are thrilled to finally get away from school. But what some of us don't realize are the changes happening around us. Friends are either moving away, getting their licenses, or even getting their first real job. These are the hints that we're starting to reach the beginning of adulthood. This year has been difficult, but it has also been enlightening. I've met new friends and even teachers that have impacted my life. My friends have taught me lessons that they informally gave to me. One of my teachers has taught me wonderful lessons on life that I will forever keep in my heart. This year has been emotional and these changes are instantaneously happening that I can't even keep up. This last week of school has been the hardest in my life. There's a possibility that I might be moving again and to say goodbye to some of these people brings me to tears. They've brought me something that my family has failed to offer and that's--hope. These people that I've known for a short period have been such inspiration to me that I can't even begin to explain why. For most teenagers, the end of the school year signals joy and freedom. But for the small part of us it signals a heartbreaking reality. The reality that things are changing at a painstakingly fast rate and the only thing I can do is accept it. This summer is so obscure that I can't predict what will happen, maybe that's why I'm so anxious about everything. One last thing, I hope everyone has an amazing summer and I hope we all accomplish something over the next two months!